Not calling myself a Busy Bee, but maybe....

I want to write about something so wonderful that it inspires you and turns your day right around, but the truth is, I didn't even know Valentine's Day is next Thursday, and I'm on my second Kitchen Sink cookie and it's only 11 a.m. (I've already had two cups of coffee and I'm working on a Diet Coke now, but we won't even go there.) I haven't done my nails since who knows when, and if you know me, this is a huge deal. I wore one of Andrew's old t-shirts to work today and didn't bother to really fix my hair either, but you should see the center pieces for this wedding. (I'll make a list for those who are interested in purchasing them for their own wedding afterwards.) And the bridesmaids gifts... mmm. Wish I was a bridesmaid in my own wedding. And what about those handmade "thank you" cards. I'm going to buy myself a present just so I can give myself a Thank You card.

 But just so you're not alarmed, I have managed to work out every day this week, and there is only one room left to redo in Andrew's... I mean.. our... house.    I'm not going to mention now that I start Grad School TWO days after we get back from our honeymoon because I can already picture the raised eyebrows on your face. So... maybe I've been a little occupied lately.

I guess it's fair to say I have never been so busy in my life, but at the same time, I've also never been so motivated or inspired.. I am flying high on excitement (and maybe caffeine and some nerves), and I honestly think if I had a baby right now and car was falling on top of it, I'd probably stop it with my bare hands (but seriously, praising the Lord that is not the case, both for the baby's sake and mine. and the car's.). I digress.

For sake of you who might actually read this, I will try now and make a point you can get some use out of. My point is this:

Find something that makes you excited. Find something that gives you this crazy insane energy. Find something that makes you want to be about more than just yourself, and not just something that makes you talk about being more than just yourself... something that really steals your attention and your hard work and your mind and fires you up. (As Christians, this should be Jesus on a daily basis, but I believe God allows us to be fired up for other things so that all of our thankfulness and praise goes back to him.)

Allow another person to occupy your mind and give you butterflies and chills and nervous laughs. Let their energy boost yours and make you dream bigger and plan for crazy far-off things. Don't be afraid to stay busy, to stay learning and growing and working hard. Don't be afraid of losing yourself... it's in these moments of passion that you'll find yourself. Don't be afraid of showing who you really are and doing things you really want and allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable. Don't let pressure from the world stress you out and make you forget all the things you want to do. Don't be afraid to make your mind up about something and then just go and do it. Right then. Without thinking or preparing. If you want something, get it. (Like, for instance. I want a third Kitchen Sink cookie. Don't mind if I do.)

Anyway, maybe this is crazy and I can't justify being I'm nbusy and totally stoked about my wedding and my almost-husband in 22 days by telling you to allow yourself to fill up your schedule with things that excite you and make you feel good, but then again, maybe I can. Actually, I can. And I am.

Be extremely passionate about something and nod sweetly when people tell you that you're in over your head, but don't let them dishearten you or dwindle your excitement. Today is the day. Do it.

Now back to the To Do list...

God is love. And other overwhelming characteristics

Let us love like we were children

-Needotbreathe

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed when I think about God. My life has been a series of MY plans failing and HIM showing me a better way. Especially in this season of my life, I have been extremely aware of the love and other characteristics of God. I don't know why it shocks me though. God IS love, after all. It is impossible for me to think about God without thinking about love; without examining the way He's shown his love in my life. I tried to make a list of the qualities of God that overwhelm me as I try to grasp them. Here's what I came up with:

Provision.
This is the first word that comes to mind when I think about God. There are so many instances in my life where I should have taken a different turn than I did; so many instances where I wanted to go one way, but God intervened and turned me in the right direction. His provision in my life has saved me, time and time again. There is no reason I should be where I am today; no reason except his provision. Even when I don't want to go, even if there were times when I wanted to take the wrong path, just out of my selfish, sinful human nature, God did not allow me to go down the wrong path for long. He looks out for me, even when I don't want to look out for myself.

Magnitude.
The definition of magnitude is: The great size or extent of something. I wish I had a bigger word, but I don't. The magnitude, the great size and extent, of God's overwhelming power and abundance is mind-boggling. I cannot allow myself to think about his magnitude for too long because it is such an emotional process. My life is a 23 year testimony to the incredible magnitude of God's unending strength, love, and forgiveness. The way He has blanketed himself over my whole entire life, saving me and protecting me time and time again... it brings tears to my eyes. My human mind cannot comprehend love so grand, so strong, so... so... magnificent. My own selfishness is not even enough to keep me from Him. My own desire for the world is not enough to keep me from His righteousness. His magnitude is infinite.

Mercy.
My heart breaks at all the wrong decisions I've made in my 23 years. It aches at all the times my life should have ended as I knew it; at all the times it should have taken a drastic turn because of a selfish decision I made. God is so merciful though, even at times when I didn't WANT to receive that mercy. He loves me too much for his plan to be thwarted by my own desires, so He extends mercy. Mercy is never deserved. What I deserve is a cross, but what God gives me is mercy. Countless times God has stopped and saved me from myself. Countless times His mercy has extended beyond my own understanding. I am nothing without His mercy.

Grace.
One of my favorite things about God (is it possible to have a favorite thing about God?) is that he doesn't just LOVE us, but he LIKES us too. God wants us to be joyous and content. He wants our desires to be His. I think too often we hear about the fear and respect of God, and not that he likes us, too. God doesn't need me. There is no purpose for me in God's....life (for lack of a better word) than to bring Him glory, but he LIKES me, he loves me, and therefore extends GRACE to me. This concept is hard for me to grasp. It's like grace is something He's given me, so that He can continue to enjoy me in His presence. Without His grace, I would be empty, but God LIKES me. He doesn't want me to be empty. He's extended not only His undeserved mercy, but also His undeserved grace, so that I can walk in His way.

Faithfulness.
God has been faithful to me when I was not faithful to Him. When I was so far from Him, when I was so far from who He wanted me to be, God was faithful. He has been faithful despite my own desires and plans. He has been faithful in his mercy; never wavering in forgiveness. He has been faithful in grace; never wavering in love. He has been faithful in provision; always providing for me, even when I did not know what He was doing, or that He was even doing something. His faithfulness is an immovable mixture of His whole being.

God is love. Without Him, we cannot understand love. We cannot give love. We cannot receive love. The saddest thing to me though, is that without God, people cannot grasp how MUCH they need Him; how dead they are without Him. We need to be living testimonies of what God can do, does do, is doing. We need to share His message and love as He has called us to love; as only we who know Him CAN love.

Week one and the paint is melting.

Lousiana Tech is HOT. That's just it. No other way to say it, but let me tell you, that water at rec sure was delicious! We only had two squads for rec because the total camp was only 400, half of which were missions campers. It was a nice way to ease into the swing of things, and it allowed us to figure out what we needed to improve for the weeks to come. Let me say this though, Ed Newton and David Walker brought it EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. The size of the camp doesn't matter. When two or more gather in God's name He is present, and God certainly made His presence known. Ed covered the whole book of Galations in a way that I've never heard before. David Walker brought a whole new meaning to "Might to Save", and God changed lives. Rec was hot, "Just Dance" free time option was fun, and the red squad won the spirit stick! :)

Thankful

So, I haven't been doing the "Thankful" Facebook posts (mostly because I'm lazy). Instead of thinking of something and posting it each day on Facebook, I'm going to make one big thankful post full of mushy thankfulness (and it's all deeply thought about and wildly heartfelt).

Sisters. I called Maegan the other day, all giddy over something great Andrew had done. Maegan shared in my excitement, and she also gave me reasons why my girly enthusiasm was completely necessary. Today, I called Maegan with a realistic viewpoint of the same thing I was waaay too excited about, and she gave me all the reasons why it was better to have this real outlook. I love my sisters for that. Thank you, sisters, for feeding my completely unnecessary excitement or disappointment or...whatever.

Books. Need I say more? I am so thankful that I can open a book and be an Upper-East sider, a princess, a vampire, Mrs. Darcy- whatever I want to be. Books are like vacations, only without packing and airports and luggage and sunburn. And you get to stay in your pajamas.

School. 99% of the time, I am not thankful for school. 99 % of the time, I am cursing school in my mind (not with swear words, of course). Even today, I called Andrew (and my sister) on the brim of hateful tears of my beloved university. But really, I am thankful for school. I am thankful that I can get a higher education right here in my home town. I am thankful that in December I will be that much closer to my dream job. I am thankful that retirement and job security are covered for me from now on. It's a love/ hate relationship, but I really am thankful for school.

Andrew. Handsome. Hardworking. Loves Jesus (And his Mom. And his Dad. And MY mom. And MY dad). Makes me laugh. Laughs with me (or at me?). Bear hugs. Chivalry. Feeds my need for adventure and my DIY spirit (And my large appetite). Lets me pick the movie. Encouraging. Strong. Handsome. Stable. Rational. Kind. Generous. I could keep going...

Winter clothes. I am so stinkin' thankful that in winter it is completely acceptable to cover your arms with a sweater, your legs with pants, and your neck with a scarf. I am so thankful that during these sacred months my tan is not a concern, nor is the flab under my arms or on my thighs. Thank you, winter. Thank you.

Memphis weather. I LOVE Colorado. That is, until I visited during winter. Let's just say my Colorado fever has been cured by the 12 degree winds, and I am ever thankful for 60 degree Novembers and the OCCASIONAL need for a winter coat.

Family. We. Are. Weird. And I am so thankful for that. We are like the Breakfast club (only with parents and little kids and all related). My family always makes me laugh (sometimes at my own expense). We are always there (sometimes toooooo there) for each other. We all share a love for food, old movies, and Jesus. We are a closed group-- it's really hard to get in, but once you're in, there's no turning back, and that has saved me from many a bad boyfriend and mean girls. I am so thankful for my little (not so little) family and what a blessing a strong, close family is.

Chocolate. I'm a girl. Do I even need to write why I'm thankful for chocolate? It's the quintessential best friend. Faithful, loyal, forgiving, agreeing, solving, delightful best friend.

So basically, I could go on. For now though, I'm going to go enjoy all the things I just mentioned being thankful for. You should make a list, too. Nothing bad can come from a little gratitude.

Thankful Monday

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom their is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17 

It is so easy to get caught up in wanting, wishing, hoping for things, that we forget to be thankful for what we already have. In the midst of wanting some things I can't have right now, God shows me (yet again!) how much I already possess.

I am thankful for

a really great and icy Diet Coke on a tired, hot afternoon

my mother's cooking, after a few weeks of fast food and camp meals

and a big, soft bed that I don't have to share, in my own room, under a solid roof

I am thankful for 

that little moment of quiet under a bridge when driving through a storm

a running car that is dependable, that has great air conditioning

and the plastic that covers the light bulbs, separating me and the two wasps on the other side

I am thankful for

the ability to run, and a safe neighborhood to do so

the place I work, the co-workers I have that are mentors and encouragers in faith and in life

and the fact that I am not really in control of anything

I am thankful for

a big dinner table that we all sit around

the moments when my 10 year old nephew needs my help, reminding me that he isn't growing up as fast as it seems

and really great friendships that time doesn't stand a chance against

I am thankful for

Good, clean drinking water at my disposal

the book section in Goodwill

and the way the Bible is completely relevant in every situation

I am thankful for

Old acquaintances that have become good friends

New people in my life 

And lessons learned from ones that are no longer are a part

I am thankful for

how different people are

Needtobreathe music

and really great love stories that end exactly how I want them to

I am thankful for

Iced coffee when it's too hot for regular

the people I get to talk to on the phone at work each day

and the clouds, which have become a new fascination and reminder of God's unlimited resources

I am thankful for

my college

my education

and that I only have 14 hours left.

I am thankful for 

Sonic Happy Hour

Half price appetizers

and Aldi grocery stores, which seem to understand my budget.

I am thankful for 

the Sun, which brings a new day each morning

sleep, which is the ultimate clean slate,

and those days I get to lie in bed and catch up on my favorite shows.

I am thankful for

the good

the bad

and the beautiful, which seem to all be interlinked. 

Faithful in the small things.

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

 Philippians 4:19 

There are a lot of things I love about Camp Electric. 

Of all the concerts, the jam sessions, and awesome instructors, my favorite thing about Camp Electric is that so many students come just for the music.

There’s not a camp out there like CE, so while a majority of our students are from Christian homes and already know of Jesus, a lot of our students don’t care about Jesus- they are just here for the music experience. Isn’t God great?!

What these non-believing students don’t understand is that God has given them the talent they possess. He’s given them a passion for music, and HE has brought them to Camp Electric. They are here for the music, but God has a much, much greater agenda. Here’s what I mean:

Yesterday, one of my awesome chaperones asked me to pray for a girl in her group. The chaperone (whom I’ll call chaperone) said,

            “I have a girl in my group. She doesn’t know Jesus. Her father is an atheist and her mother is an alcoholic, and she is lost, but this morning, in devotion, she asked our group to pray for her. She said she doesn’t know Jesus, but she wants to know him. I wanted to jump up and down, but I prayed with her instead.”

I told her that’s the point of Camp. I told her I’d pray for the girl, for her, for all the students here, and then we did just that. We prayed.

Not long after my chaperone meeting, a girl comes into the office. She was devastated because the strap had broken off her electric guitar. The guitar fell on the ground and broke. It was her Dad’s guitar. He was going to be so mad at her. We tried to calm her down, telling her it was something that could be fixed and at not too high a cost.  She left our office, not in tears, but certainly worried.

* * * *

For our nightly concert last night, TobyMac and the Diverse City band performed. (They are AWESOME, by the way). So in the middle of the concert, everything stops, and the lead guitarist gets on the mic. He says,

             “Today, I was walking to lunch and I hear someone scream my name. It was this girl who had broken her guitar in class that day. She was freaking out, didn’t know what to do. So here’s what we’re going to do…”

He called the girl on stage, the same girl who had been in my office that afternoon, and handed her the guitar he was playing. Just like that. It was a beautiful light blue electric guitar. He gave it to her. He gave this girl his guitar. The look on her face was priceless.

At that point, Chaperone runs over to me.

            “That’s the girl! That’s the girl in my group!”

            “Ah, that is so cool,” I say.“What a lucky girl!”

Chaperone says, “No, Jessica, that’s the girl that wants to know God. That’s the girl that wasn’t sure about him, that wants to know more about him. This afternoon she came to me and told me she had broken her guitar. She asked me what we could do about it. I told her we were going to pray that God would show her His faithfulness and bring her a new guitar. HE DID!!!”

This is the girl who we prayed for earlier that afternoon; the girl with the atheist dad, the alcoholic mom; the girl who wanted to know more about Jesus. She was afraid, unsure, and God proved his faithfulness to her. He showed her that He cares for her, that He loves her. That she belongs to Him. He showed her that even in her doubt, He is sure.

She gained a lot more than a new guitar at camp. God is good.

My thoughts on a broken world.

Please never forget the graciousness of our Lord . Never forget His mercy , and the love He has for His children .

Please never forget that God is called our Father for a reason . He wants us to come to him as the children do for a reason. God wants our honesty, He wants our hopes , our dreams , our deepest desires . He wants to know what we yearn for , what we long to possess , and He wants to be the center of all of those things . Please never forget that God loves you,  but even more than that, God likes you . He wants you to be happy, to be prosperous, to grow strong in Him, bold in the faith, and He wants you to be untouched by this world .

Please never forget that, just like our earthly fathers, God sometimes tells us no .  He sometimes disciplines us , corrects us , and sometimes He even tests our knowledge and our strength .  Sometimes God allows us to go through things because He wants us to be prepared, to be ready, to be courageous .  He wants us to understand the weight of our calling as a Christian ,  he wants us to understand the freedom we have in Him .

Please never forget that God is perfect , and part of His perfection is free will- allowing us to choose whether or not we want to love Him ,  serve Him , be His .  He leaves this choice to us because our God is not forceful .  He will fight for us, but after time and time again of our constant rebellion ,  God will give us over to our desires . This is where evil comes in .  Please never forget that God is perfect, and in his perfection, he allows us to choose for ourselves .  For this reason , man often makes the wrong choice, and bad things happen . For this reason ,  evil sweeps the world -  our own selfishness ,  our own hurt ,  or own pride cause our own destruction .  God does not cause bad things to happen ,  but he allows us to make decisions ,  and unfortunately ,  human are sinful by nature .  Please never forget God is good and perfect and anything not good and perfect is from this world and sin, not from God.

Please never forget that God does not need us .  His plan will prevail, His will is carried out with or without us .  The devil though, he needs us .  Satan’s plans cannot be carried out unless we decide to allow him to use us .  Please remember taking up your cross is a DAILY sacrifice, discipline, a choice NOT to follow the world , NOT to be used by Satan.

Please never forget that God uses ALL things- big or small .  His voice is often quiet, and we do not find things we are not looking for.  Please remember that prayer is the most important and the strongest weapon we have .  Please remember that God hears our prayers ,  our cries . He’s strong enough for us.  He’s waiting for us.

Please never forget that God does not care about your past. He just wants to be your future . Please never doubt that God will take care of you .  

Please never forget that He promised to NEVER leave OR forsake you, and God ALWAYS makes good on his promises.