What I love about the sun

What I love about the sun is its ability to shine. I love the way it shows no mercy in sharing its warmth. I love that the sun shines regardless of the mood I'm in; that I can't hide the light even if I shade my eyes or close them or turn away.

What I love about the sun is how, even when the clouds are out, it's still shining behind them. I love how the sun is always there, even though sometimes we can't see past the darkness. I love that it rises each morning and sets each evening, and you can depend on it.

I love that the sun knows when we've had enough. It knows when to step back; when a day has been too long and too hard. I love that, even though it hurts sometimes, it is always helping me giving me nutrients I need, warmth, a clear vision, the ability to see as far as my eyes will let me.

I love that the world works to the rhythm of the sun. I love how the sun is so magnificent, we can only get so close to it. I love that even from so far away, the sun always feel close; always has a hand on my shoulder.

I love that every time the sun rises, it brings a new day with it. I love that it signifies a fresh, clean slate, and that when the sun is shining, even bad things aren't unbearable.

What I love about the sun is how our Creator crafted it just so- giving it a purpose and a duty. I love that He knew how much we would depend on it.

What I love about about the sun is that even it was created with a calling to reflect the magnificence of our God and it does so faithfully.

What's in a name?

I have to admit, I am not good at titles. I put so much into the actual writing, so much into the words and the structure and the technical and contextual elements, that by the time I get to the title, I'm over it... or late for my next class... or bed time.

I don't like having to name things. Giving something a name makes it seem so... final. It's like, if you name something, that's what it is. Forever. Always. I will always be Jessica because that is what my parents named me. I like my name, but it's just so... permanent.

To give something a title, to use hundreds of words and letters and then end it with three little words that may or may not relate- how can you do that? How can I write an entire piece of work to settle on a three word title? Doesn't that seem a little strange?

People say, "Well what is your work about?" And I give them an answer, but the title can't be "It's about a house that I grew up in that had this really great swing set with monkey bars and a  rope....," so how do you choose? How do you choose a couple measly words to sum up your whole story?

Is it like life? Do you just write and write and write, and pick a word, whether it relates or not? I mean, my parents named me Jessica, but they didn't know whether I'd be a Jessica or Sarah, or Katie.... they just picked what they liked and I am me, and luckily, I like it and it fits me.

Wait, maybe that's how it is. Maybe "Jessica"fits me because that's what I've always been. My dog is a "Tabor" because she's never been called anything else, and this blog is about "Words" because that's what I called it. Is this blog even about words? I am so bad at titles.

My question is, are we defined by our titles? Are confined by them? Are we limited to what people say we are, what they call us? I don't think so... I think we are so much more than a title, just like a story is so much more than it's title, just like there is more to us than our names. Don't let people title you. Don't be defined by what someone else chooses to call you. More than likely, they don't know what you're about anyway.

Fine Line God?

I thought senior year of college would be a time of celebration and easy classes. Wrong! College, senior year, is a time to freakout over deadlines, missing credits, grad school applications, job interviews, GRE tests, blah, blah, blah, the list goes on. If I wrote out a to- do list (for all of you who know I am a compulsive list maker), it would literally take a whole sheet of paper. Even more than that, it seems like every single decision, every move, every answer, question, everything carries so much weight. I feel like, at this point in my life, every decision I make is going to affect my future. In a way, it is very exciting, but mostly, it's extremely overwhelming. So, here is what someone very wise told me:

God's will for our life is not a fine line that we have to stay on. It's not a tight rope, that, if we fall off, that's it- we're done. God's will doesn't work like that! Thank the Lord (literally) because I have awful balance.

In a figurative way, God's will for our life is like a football field, or a basketball court- something with boundaries. We can go anywhere we want within those boundaries and still be in God's will for our life. Isn't that beautiful?

If you are like me- if you feel like every decision you have in front of you is a high-stakes decision. Think again! God didn't set a will for our lives to confine us. He set a will for our lives to show us how free we are in Him. He sets the boundaries, but we are free to move. We're free to seek and find and look and search. We have to pray that those boundaries would be clear to us, and we have to discern between our own boundaries and the ones God has set for us, but He gave us a brain and hands and feet because He wants us to use them- to seek for ourselves His will for us.

So next time that decision lingers in front of you and you are panicked to make the right choice, ask God to help you. Ask Him to show you the boundaries of His will, and He will do just that. If this is our prayer, there should be no fear and anxiousness about the future- only excitement about reaching our full potential in Christ.

So rejoice, God has set forth a plan for us. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..." Your decision will not cause you to fall of the tight rope of God's will. It will force you to move within the boundaries of the freedom He's given us. How amazing is that? Be confident in prayer, and be confident in your decisions.

It doesn't seem so high-stakes when I look at it this way. God is good... and funny. :)

He's not real.

Just this second, I was watching a music video for a country song, and found myself wondering, "Why don't I have that kind of relationship?"

Movies, books, songs, tv- they make us long for something that isn't real. Nicholas Sparks makes even the best guys look like jerks. When I read Dear John, I cried for John Tyree. I thought how stupid that girl was for not waiting on him. I said I would have waited for him. If that's the case, I'm going to be waiting a long time.

There are good guys out there, lots of them. I am related to the two greatest men in the world (at least, I think they are the two greatest men in the world!) But even they don't live up to the standards of a "dream boy."

Girls, we can't change a bad boy. We can't make him right and good and honorable. Guys don't walk around and write love songs for us, they don't hold boom boxes outside our windows. They don't remodel houses in our honor and then say "it was never over," when we return to them. They don't sit beside our bed all night just to make sure we sleep okay. They don't do that . That's . Not . Real .

It's like this- we are not "dream girl" material. Well, I'm not anyways. I complain... a lot. I'm irrational and difficult and nothing is ever my fault. If I'm not the girl in one of those songs/ books/ movies, how can I expect him to be the guy in one of those movies? If I'm not perfect size, perfect attitude, perfect girl, why would I expect a guy to be all of those things for me?

Next time you find yourself wondering where your Noah, John, Chuck, Edward, Jacob, the list goes on, is, think about what guy, any guy, you actually know in real life that acts the way those characters do. I'd bet you can't find an answer.

Don't ask what's missing in your relationship. Don't ask where your dream guy is. Really think about the things you do have in a relationship, or think about the things that are actually really important. Ask yourself what's going to matter in 10 years when you're waking up beside him every morning. It'll make you thankful for what you have instead of ungrateful for what you can't seem to find. It'll make you realize the difference in a movie character and a real-life guy. It'll make you realize where your expectations are and where they should be.

Give the guys a chance. Sparkly vampires aren't real. (Neither is Christian Grey. Or Peetah for that matter.)

Little Storms

When it rains, it pours... But there's always sun behind the clouds, no matter how long they stick around.

It rains a lot. Sometimes, we embrace it. We curl up with a good book, or our favorite tv show, throw our arms around that special person, and let the sound of the rain carry us away. 

Sometimes we run from it. We throw a hood over our heads and make a mad dash for refuge. It doesn't even matter what that refuge is- anything that will get us out of the storm.

Sometimes we ignore it. The rain falls, and our day carries on, just like it would if there wasn't a cloud in the sky. We don't really even notice that it started raining, and we don't notice when it stops.

Sometimes it ruins our day. We have to change all of our plans. It makes us mad and bitter, and we blame the rain for everything else that goes wrong.

Sometimes, it makes us sad. The gray sky rubs off on us. We are lonely or depressed. Melancholy  thoughts run through our minds and nothing is quite good enough to pull us out of our gloominess.

Sometimes, it scares us. We aren't sure what's going to happen next. We don't know how long it will last, or if we'll make it out in one piece.

But the thing about the rain, is that the sun always shines again. It's always there, waiting behind the clouds to make its grand entrance. Just when we think we've had enough, just when we're not sure how much more we can take, the sun rescues us with its bright warmth, and saves us from drowning, crying, bitterness, fear; reminding us that the storm is always only temporary. 

There is sun in everyone's life. Whatever you're going through, wherever you are, the rain won't last. It's only a temporary storm in front of your sun. It will shine again. Don't let the rain keep you from dancing in the streets. 

You need to read this.

The problem with relationships that are fun while they last, is that they don’t ever last. You can’t just love the best version of someone. You have to love the worst, most annoying, most whiny version of them. That’s the only way you’ll ever deserve the best version. It’s the only way anyone will ever deserve the best version of you.

No matter what twisted lies our world tells, girls still need romance, and guys still need the pursuit.

People are not cell phones. You can’t upgrade when your version gets old or the communication gets slow. The only true love story is still the one written by God, and even if you don’t like the plot, it’s the only way to a happy ending.

Yeah, things get hard and it won’t stay exciting, and yeah, at some point, you’re going to want out, but it’s not a game. It’s real life and there are no timeouts or redos. There is only here and now and mercy and grace and forgiveness. There is only love, like Christ loved us.

There is only hope for tomorrow, no guarantee of it. So don’t say that tomorrow you will make it right, but don’t expect to solve all your problems in one night. Sleep still is the best cure for most illnesses.

We have to give love and show vulnerability to be trustworthy and to receive vulnerability in return. People are so defensive, but relationships are made of teammates, not opponents.

You are not perfect, and when you look in the mirror, you know this. Don’t expect anyone else to be, either. Do not expect of someone what you do not give them. Don’t call the girl you hurt or the guy you left and expect a friendly voice. Exes are not forgotten friends. They are lessons learned, and there is a reason you are not still with them.

Peace must be kept, but it’s okay to fight. It’s healthy to disagree and to speak your own mind, but words have more power than the strongest weapon, so use them with caution and beware of destruction.

Dance slowly and look into one another’s eyes. Hold hands and compromise. Meet in the middle, and don’t want what you do not have, don’t wish to be who you are not. It’s exhausting and there’s no appeal in being anything except yourself. No one wants perfect, but everyone is searching for real. Real is not on a magazine cover and Hollywood does not define standards for self-image or love. Don’t look to last month’s tabloid for your goals and hopes- look to the living Book- the only one that has been tried and tested and withstood any society.

Love fiercely, and do not be afraid to risk it all. With much risk, comes much reward, but remember there is a difference in foolishness and bravery, and even Spiderman needed a little help.

Sometimes, a pipe is just a pipe, said Freud. 

Firsts and Lasts

Everyone experiences firsts and lasts. Firsts and lasts come in all sizes, and normally, there is a story- a memory attached to each. Telling the story is not important because we hold the stories in our hearts or our minds, sometimes against our will. What is important is learning from these first times and last times, growing from them, appreciating the experiences- even if it takes a while. Here's a few of mine...

thanks to my Creative Non-Fiction teacher for the idea.

First....
Time I really gave myself to God. (life-changing, literally.)
Time I kissed a boy.
Time I left home for a long period of time.
Time I got a dog.
Real, scarring heartbreak.
Adult purchase I ever made (a car... I jumped right in.)
(and only!) really bad grade in college.
 Job.

Last....
Time I saw my Great-Grandmother.
Summer with Student Life (there were only two but both incomparable with any other).
High school event. (Graduation... all the people I'd grown up with, away from, close to).
Fight before ending an engagement.
Scary movie I watched (still leaving the lamp on!).
Time I rode my mountain bike (or even worse, my road bike. ah!).
Concert I went to.


There's so many more. My life has been defined by firsts and lasts. Some funny, some serious or sad, but all are so important to who I am today. As I made this list, I thought about all the things I went through to experience these firsts and lasts, and what I've taken from each one... There is a story for every thing, and a season for each.. Do not be defined by your first and lasts, but be wiser from experiencing them. All things begin and end. Embrace that.