Petition. For school.

For those of you who have as much as issue with school as I do, here's my petition:

Papers should actually really begin to write themselves after a certain amount of time spent staring at the blank document upon which they shall be written.

A strict "No Dieting/ healthy eating" policy will be enforced at all hours during a paper writing/ mid-term studying session. Cokes and chips are necessary for clear thinking.

Creative writing majors should not be forced to write research papers. It hinders our creativity, which is a problem, hence the name of our major. Nor should any other major be forced to write research papers, seeing as they are useless.

As long as a paper is for the grade and neither for sale nor public credit, no proof of originality shall be required.

Attendance should, in no circumstances, be mandatory, as long as the student maintains a grade that meets his or her personal criteria.

Group projects, to be done in class and not outside, should make up the majority of the weight of the grading scale.

No class should exceed the time limit of one hour. Limits above one hour force a student to choose between paying attention to the professor or wishing they were elsewhere, in which case, wishing they were elsewhere always prevails.

No professor shall assign reading over the length of 10 pages per class period, in order to prevent students' eyes from crossing, or closing, while trying to complete the reading assignment.

Textbooks shall never be paid for, only checked out when needed, especially at institutions in which tuition rises every semester.

Attendance to school sporting events, wearing school-spirited apparel, and participating in school events should count largely toward a student's gpa.

The amount of time between scheduled classes should allow for food breaks, printing breaks, nap breaks, and any other type of breaks that might enhance a student's learning abilities.

Classes that encourage physical activity and those most pertinent to one's major should be much more weighted than general education courses required by the university, as they will be much more pertinent to the student's future than those general education classes.