Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The thing about relationships from someone who needs to learn the thing about relationships.

Here's the thing about relationships: (At least that I've found, but I'm certainly no expert.)

They are not perfect. They require a lot of work. The relationship you have with one person is in no way the relationship you will have with the next, or the one before. You can't be with someone and expect them to be like someone else. You have to start new and fresh with each person, accepting them for who they are, not who you want them to be. You have to understand that loving a person does not make them perfect, and that love is a choice you make despite the imperfections.

Here's the thing about relationships:

They require compromise- lots of it. They require effort and energy. They need a lot of attention and affirmation. And it's really important to know the person you are in a relationship with. You have to know them- how they work and operate, how they view things and how they see the world. You have to know their heart, not just their emotions. You have to know that sometimes things are rough, and there will be kinks to work out.You have to know that even the best relationships have their hard moments, and that you can't just give up when it gets tough.

Here's the thing about relationships:

You have to know that fairy tales and movies are not real life. You have to know that butterflies fade away, and then you are left with the person you are in a relationship with. That needs to be a person you can stand to be with; a person that makes you happy and encourages you and supports and respects you. You have to know that you can't expect them to be perfect. You can't expect them to fit into your mold, to fit into the cut- out you've designed in your head.

Here's the thing about relationships:

Sometimes they start and then they end. Sometimes they start and they don't ever end. Sometimes they start and you tough it out for a while, and then they end against your will, against your wants. But the thing about relationships, is that your heart has to be right. Your desire for that relationship has to be right, and it has to match the other person's desire for the relationship. It has to be centered on more than just yourselves. It has to be about more than just the two of you; about more than just the moment you're living in right now.

Here's the thing about relationships: They only work out when the timing is right, when hearts are right, and when both people are willing to see them through. The thing about relationships, is that they are messy and unpredictable. They are relationships because you can't make them work on your own.

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